I still have not bought groceries.

"What are you eating?" asked a friend tonight on the phone.

The sad truth is that I'm bumming off the 1Ls. With the start of school and recent "Learning the Law" sessions, there has been a variety of food available in the mentor office. By being in the mentor office at the right time, I have been able to sustain myself with breakfast tacos, a meat and cheese tray, a variety of soda, bagels, Tiff's Treats, milk, and of course candy. I'm probably going to gain 20 pounds and lose all of my teeth, but at least it should get me through until I can buy groceries (which I'm hoping will happen tomorrow, but maybe not, since I plan to crash the Sutton Society boat party and eat BBQ for dinner there).

So I'm thinking grocery shopping on Sunday, then. Maybe.

In other news, I received exactly 0 calls from judges today, although a call around 4:30 from "Unavailable" looked promising. A quick call to voicemail, however, revealed that it was just a creditor. A creditor I'd be more than happy to pay if I had financial aid. *sigh* It's like a vicious cycle.

My judicial clerkship application process has certainly been... eventful. It began with me explaining my quasi crush on a professor directly to said professor, then my belief that another professor had declined to recommend me when in fact he had not and my ensuing anxiety over having four recommenders, leading up to my outing myself to Professor Young, and my recent multi-colored paper fiasco. All of that, and the reality of the whole thing is that I will be lucky to get a single interview. I'm not even holding my breath for an actual clerkship (although I am crossing my fingers, as that won't lead to suffocation).

But tomorrow at 5:30 p.m., it will all be over. And I will then go home and sleep for a few hours before partying it up at Buffalo Billiards. And all will be well with the world.

If collating is a word, that is.

Last night, while printing out my gazillion resumes and transcripts, I ran out of one box of resume paper about halfway through my transcript printing and had to refill from a second box. No problem; I had like three boxes ready to go.

This afternoon, I realized the problem. Apparently the lights in my room are kind of dim, because when the sunlight was shining in today, I was able to see that I'd printed on two very different colors of resume paper. One is very off-white, almost manila. The other is bright white. I still didn't think it was a big deal until I realized that I didn't collate my transcripts so for most of them the first page will be manila and my second page will be white. I thought briefly (very briefly) about printing all my transcripts again to make them match, saving the mis-matched ones for firms, but then my inner sloth kicked in and I convinced myself that any judge who would reject me out of hand for mis-matched resume paper probably isn't the judge I want to work for.

So, if any current law clerks happen to be reading this... please don't throw away any applications with mismatched paper. I promise to be more careful if I get the job!

Updated resume? Check.

Updated transcript? Check.

Writing sample? Check.

List of judges? Check. Sort of.

One-page narrative biography with evidence of my skills and qualities of importance to judges? WTF? I despise writing these types of things. It's always such a tough balance between boasting about yourself while trying not to sound too boastful. Or if you're like me, you're trying to pump up your woeful averageness, trying in vain to figure out something that's special about you, when the fact of the matter is that you're not really any better or worse than the hundreds or thousands of other applicants with the same grades and experiences. Stuff like this makes me feel like Iris from Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister: painfully plain, but without a pretty shoe to try on or a Prince for a brother-in-law. Ugh.

To top everything off, I've discovered that my resume sucks. Not what's listed on it. That's decent, and can't really be helped anyway. But the writing itself sucks. I know I can frame what I've done in better language, but resume writing has long been the bane of my existence and the fact that I'm only rediscovering it now vexes me. Because vex is an awesome word.

And, if you haven't already guessed, I'm just in a foul mood in general, and I'd rather write about my foul mood and let all of my bitterness shine through than actually just write this damned narrative BS focusing on qualities that I think are nonexistent at the moment and get it over with since it was supposed to be done by Saturday anway.

*destroys downtown Tokyo*