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Today, we turn a year old. Our blog is toddling around in a diaper and being weened off the bottle. Join us this week as we celebrate with drinking games, memories, nostalgia, and other silliness. For Day 1 of the AC Birthday Week Bash, we bring you our first post. We were so wide-eyed and innocent back then.
Also feel free to share with us your favorite AC memories, i.e. how you found us, when you started reading, your favorite post,
Tune in Wednesday for a "Best of the AC" post.
In non-birthday news, we could use another field reporter for today's Meet the Dean meeting from 3:00-3:30, as we both have class. You know the email; thanks in advance.
Ruth: It's another gunner award, but I trust you all will behave yourselves in the comments.
Antonin: So, to present our final award, we present the author of the book read by so many prospective law students, it's become a cliche.
Ruth: Ladies and gentlemen, Scott Turrow.
From what I understand, going to law school at UT these days doesn't really resemble my experience at Harvard much at all. Of course, I don't think that going to Harvard Law School these days much resembles my experience there either. Nevertheless, a few people seem to take One L to heart and cope by trying to intimidate the other students, either intentionally or unintentionally. The nominees for Biggest Gunner are...
Pierre (2L): "Pierre. Don't even both counting the votes and finding the envelope. Pierre wins it hands down."
Tony (3L): "Tony's bust of Socrates is so famous that Assault & Flattery put a line about it in this year's show."
Mark Engleson (would have been a 2L): "He actually told people at orientation that he was going to take them down. It was wild. At first, when he left school, we were kind of glad, but now, we sort of miss him. His out-there hypos sort of broke up the monotony of class."
Ruth: And that wraps up this year's Joe Jamail Awards for Excellence in Legal Academics. We'll bring it back next year, right around Oscars time.
Antonin: But don't go away just because the awards are over. It's Acceptance Letter season, meaning 0Ls are trying to decide which law school to go to. And Amicus Curiae aims to help them in their decision making.
Ruth: In the meantime, today is your last chance to see The Big Dzeinkowski. It's at 3:00 at the Scottish Rite theatre. There are still some tickets available. And we hope to see you tonight at Maggie Mae's for the cast/Oscar party.
Antonin: Don't lie to them, Ruth. You know you were just at Assault & Flattery all day, neglecting the blog.
Ruth: True, but it wasn't my fault. The Scottish Rite theatre doesn't have wireless.
Antonin: Fair enough. Our next presenters are near and dear to our hearts and have served as an inspiration to the both of us.
Ruth: Please welcome our two favorite Supremes, Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia!
Scalia: Thank you.
Ginsburg: We're honored to be presenting this award. Most people know that Justice Scalia and I often differ in opinion, just like Antonin and Ruth.
Scalia: But we can agree on this: the nominees for Best Professor are all deserving of the award.
Ginsburg: And the nominees are...
David Sokolow: "There's no hiding the ball with him. If you read the assignment and don't get it, it's okay, because he's going to tell you exactly what you need to know during lecture. I don't understand why people take B.A. with anyone else."
David Robertson: "And on top of being a great teacher, he's quite the talented singer. Every now and again I still find myself humming the song about the spider bite case."
Bob Peroni: "I don't know how it's possible to make federal income tax interesting, but he manages it. Not deductible!"
As my Contracts students know already, I don't approve of making fun of students for being eager to learn. That said, I couldn't turn down the opportunity to present this award. And by the way, for those of you who were not lucky enough to attend Assault & Flattery's dress rehearsal last night, I must say that I looked fantastic for my cameo. And now, the nominees for Breakout Performance in Gunning are...
Jessica K. "Last semester, she offered her many opinions every single day in every single class without fail. Every single day, every single class. We actually had a pool of several students betting on when she would volunteer."
Ronnie G. "It got to the point that the professor would ask a question and, when Rony raised his hand, would still look over the class and ask, "Anyone?Anyone?", totally ignoring the frantic hand-waving next to me."
Rachel D. "One of those who likes to clarify what the prof says after about every twenty minutes."
Ruth: Please welcome University of Texas President William Powers!
Thank you. I'd like to thank Antonin and Ruth for honoring me by naming the lifetime achievement award after me and giving me the opportunity to present it. Although my office just got substantially more comfortable, the law school is still my home. I'm happy to be involved however I can.
Tonight's recipient is also very involved in the law school. In her three years, she has been very involved with SBA and the new Society program, and yet she's always found time to blog, party, and be hungover when appropriate (and sometimes when it's not appropriate). This year as SBA president, she has sponsored one of the best W. Page Keeton Law Weeks the school has ever seen, with a wonderful dodgeball tournament named after my good friend Bob Dawson, and (from what I hear) a kick ass Casino Night. When she is not busy planning events for the whole school, she's busy planning events for her mentees. As head mentor, she has served this year's 1L class well.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to award this year's Dean Powers Lifetime Achievement Award to Ann Hsu!
As a professor, I've seen my fair share of gunners. Every semester there are a few students who are not so much eager to learn as they are eager to hear themselves talk. Some students take an active role: they are the first ones to have their hands in the air, the creators of the most inane hypotheticals, and they tend to be a little arrogant as well. A supporting gunner takes a different role. This type of student tends to keep on-topic more than the traditional gunner, but also has a tendency to hijack the class discussion. The nominees for Biggest Gunner in a Supporting Role are...
Ben S. (2L): "It got to the point where if he demanded a bright line rule one more time, I was going to draw a line across his face with a green highlighter."
Truman F. (2L): "Truman's one of those guys that knows everything, except literally. One time in crim law, he gave us a detailed explanation about shell casings."
Rachel D. (1L): "The fact that she was nominated for this AND the break out gunner award should tell people how deserving she is."
Elizabeth H. (2L): "She's known among our class as "Grades," she's on law review, and she almost always has something to say in class. If she doesn't win, I'll demand a vote re-count."
I know what it's like to be the new kid on the block, so I can relate to this award. The nominees for Best Professor in a Visiting Role are...
Emily Kadens*: "Her no laptop rule forces me to actually pay attention during class. I think I've learned more in Contracts than in any other subject."
Christopher Leslie: "He's probably the only man alive that can make monopolization of the tin can industry seem interesting, even exciting in a way."
* Professor Kadens is not actually a visiting professor, but I didn't realize that until after the voting had already started, so she got to stay in the category.
Ruth: That wraps up tonight's awards. Tune in tomorrow for Biggest Gunner in a Supporting Role, the Dean Powers Lifetime Achievement Award, and Breakout Performance in Gunning.
Antonin: Please welcome Ms. Harriet Miers!
If anyone knows about jokes, it's me. For the past few months, I've been the butt of every Supreme Court joke you can think of, plus a few that haven't been made up yet. In fact, I'm sure that most of tonight's nominees have spent quality time laughing at my expense. It seems a little silly to reward such behavior, but nonetheless, the nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Comedy are...
Brandon C. and Adan B. (2Ls, Joint Nomination): "Brandon's funny. Adan's funny. But when you put the two of them together and let them feed off each other, it just enters the realm of ridiculous. I advise not drinking liquids if they are in earshot unless you want to shoot Dr. Pepper out of your nose."
Joshua T. (2L): "Shawn Rutherford. It's stuff of legend." [Ruth's edit: Incidentally, this category was added because of Joshua's nomination.]
TC T. (3L): "TC can go from neutral to inappropriately funny in 0.2 seconds. Funniest guy I know."
Mike L. (3L): "I would be happy to give you a list of funny things Mike has said over the years, but it would be much easier for you (not to mention more fun) if you just read his blog instead."
Antonin: As you all know, Professor Dawson dedicated his life to UT Law, founding not only our Criminal Defense Clinic, but our Actual Innocence clinic as well.
Ruth: He as also responsible for drafting most of the juvenile legislation enacted by the Texas legislature, although he was always quick to downplay his role in that legislation.
Antonin: Professor Dawson authored a number of text books in criminal law and procedure, and he and his wife Jan Dawson were experts in equine law.
Ruth: Most importantly, Professor Dawson was our teacher. And he was funny as hell.
Antonin: The nominees for the "Mad Dog" Dawson Award for Humor in Teaching are:
Guy Wellborn: "He tends to recycle jokes from year to year, so if you have him for both Torts and Evidence, you're likely to hear them in both classes. Doesn't stop them from being funny, though."
George Dix: "What I like most about Professor Dix is that he pretends not to understand anything about the law, as if he's not like an expert. Oh, and he's found more ways to use the word "chickenshit" than anyone else on this earth."
Christopher Leslie: "Professor Leslie is so funny that it's hard to come up with one or two things. It makes me sad that he's a visiting professor because I would take a class with him every semester because he's just so damn funny."
Derek Jinx: "'Hoosegow!' Enough said."
There'ssss relly noching rong wif haffing a drink evry now again. I sssshould know. Tonight'ssss nomineesss, however, may take zeir drinking too farrrr. Zze nomineessss for Outshtanding Acheevement in Drinking are...
Justin R. (2L): "He carries a beer cozie with him at all times. That's saying something."
Steve R. (1L): "Again. He drank beer from a boot."
Mike L. (3L): "He was standing there, kind of wobbly. I turned around for a second and the next thing I knew, he was on the ground, passed out. I heard that he'd vomitted on someone earlier and that an ambulance came and got him. He's my hero."
John H. (1L): "If grades were given out for drinking, John would have a 4.3."
Kellie S. (2L): "She drank all night at the karaoke party, but was all done up in her ball gown for filming a skit the next day. I told her, 'I've never seen any girl drink as much as you did last night and look as pretty as you do today.' It was pretty impressive."
Antonin: It looks like Ruth is still not feeling so well, so that does it for tonight's awards. Tune in tomorrow for Outstanding Achievement in Comedy and The "Mad Dog" Dawson Award for Humor in Teaching. We'll see you tomorrow night!
Ruth (wearing a bathrobe and slippers and generally looking like she just rolled out of bed): That's funny coming from someone who never takes the time to blog any more.
Antonin: Wow, PMS, anyone?
Ruth: Yeah, and? What of it? (Ruth storms off stage in a fit.)
Antonin: Well, while Ruth finds her Pamprin, please welcome the author of the opinion that has become the bane of Torts students everywhere, the ghost of Justice Benjamin Cardozo!
Just because students have a difficult time following my Palsgraf opinion doesn't mean that it's inherently confusing. I suspect the same thing is true of the nominees. If students would spend less time on this internet contraption and more time paying attention to their professors, I suspect that they would find themselves far less confused. That said, the nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Confusing Students are...
Ernie Young: "He just lost me (again), so instead of taking notes, I'm nominating him for this award."
William Forbath: "I'd go into class thinking I had a handle on the case, and I'd leave thinking "What. The. Fuck.""
Jane Cohen: "The problem with Professor Cohen is that she speaks in parentheticals. It's like she has an aside for every point. So it's not just that you don't understand the points of law, it's that you don't understand anything she says at all."
Thank you. Thank you. I must say, I'm just thrilled to have this award named after me. As you all know, there is more to law school than just boring silver laptops and non-color coded outlines. Law school is about networking and making lifelong friends. The connections you forge here at law school will be with you for years to come, and you'll be able to count on them to be there for you when you need them, like when you're up for an award like this. Just think about how many more votes each of the nominees could have received if they had, say, emailed a law school listserv, encouraging people to vote. That is just the sort of thing I would do to ensure my victory. The nominees for the Elle Woods Award for Excellence in Socializing are...
Judd L. (1L): "He's only a 1L, but he seems to know everyone, and everyone seems to adore him."
Brandon C. (2L): "Who doesn't know Brandon? He can't leave his house without running into like three people he knows. He's also pretty much the most charming person ever. To know Brandon is to love Brandon."
Casey K. (2L): "If you don't know Casey, you've probably been hiding under a rock, or--more appropriately--hiding in the library."
Kellie S. (2L): "She had like 30 people at her "small" birthday dinner. And then she felt bad because there were so many more people that she didn't invite. I don't think I even know thirty people at law school..."
Jason H. (1L): "Jason's one of those guys that just makes you feel good to know. He knew the names of pretty much everyone in our section within the first two weeks of school. He's just awesome."
Ruth: That wraps up tonight's awards. We'd meant to give out two more awards tonight, but it just didn't happen. Tune in tomorrow for Outstanding Achievement in Drinking and Outstanding Achievement in Consusing Students.
Good evening. Having spent a little time in the Ivory Tower myself, I know how important it is to students to have an organized professor. Tonight's nominees also understand that importance and take organization to new levels. The nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Organization are...
Tony Reese: "Professor Reese is on top of things. He always has illustrations on hand to make class more interesting and he gives us an outline of the main points at the end of each topic."
Patrick Woolley: "He had daily outlines. Daily. And he knew about three weeks in advance if there was something we weren't going to get to, at which point he'd email us and let us know."
David Sokolow: "Sokolow tells you what he's going to tell you, then he tells you, then he tells you what he just told you. You can listen 1/3 of the time and still keep up. It's great."
Ruth: Before we introduce our next presenters, we'd like to take a moment to encourage a little reader participation.
Antonin: We've had a great time inviting the presenters and writing up the blurbs about each nominee, but because we're such thoughtful hosts, we don't want to have all the fun ourselves.
Ruth: We want you to participate as well. You can do that by writing acceptance speeches for those winners who aren't writing their own. Or if you're a nominee who didn't win, feel free to let us know that you were robbed.
Antonin: Our next presenter wrote the book on partying. Please welcome John "Bluto" Blutarsky!
You'll have to excuse me for not being funny right now, but I'm a little hungover. Actually, I'm probably just still drunk, but with a headache and a high likelihood of vomitting. Anyway, the nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Partying are...
Justin R. (2L): "He's either organizing a party, throwing one, or at one."
Steve R. (1L): "I once saw Steve drink beer from a boot."
John H. (1L): "He's never missed a bar review, but if he did, it would only be because there was a better party somewhere else."
Peggy C. (1L): "We just call her Party Peggy. It's fitting."
Ruth: We're going to take a short, couple-hour break, but stay tuned for more awards later tonight.
The ladies love me. I mean, they really love me. I don't even know what they love most. Is it my sex appeal? My power? My money? My influence? My law firm? It doesn't matter. The ladies love me. And I love them. Our nominees know a bit about being loved as well. The nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Flirting are...
Jenny Y. (1L): "My girl Jenny has all the guys fawning over her. She doesn't seem to mind."
Henning S. (2L): "He'd been talking to this one girl all night. People kept asking me what was up with Henning and her. I just shrugged and said, 'It's Henning.'"
Stephanie G. (2L): "She's always nice to everyone, but you can tell when she's been drinking because suddenly she's extra nice to the guys."
Yoni H. (1L): "Yoni, hands down." (Okay, so we didn't get any Yoni anecdotes.)
That's all for tonight. Stayed tuned for tomorrow's categories, including Outstanding Achievement in Partying, Outstanding Achievement in Organization, the Elle Woods Award for Excellence in Socializing, Outstanding Achievement in Confusing Students, and Outstanding Achievement in Drinking.
I've been called angry and cynical, and, really, can you blame me? Our nominees may not be angry and cynical, but they are indeed colorful. From inappropriate jokes to dropping the f-bomb, these professors know how to keep class interesting. The nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Language are...
George Dix: "Professor Dix once read part of a trial transcript in which the word "fuck" appeared several times. The funny thing was that in the end, he hadn't really cussed much more than he usually did."
Christopher Leslie: "He's this unassuming looking professor. Short, smallish, glasses--typical nerd. So when he says the f-word, you just don't expect it all, even though he says it at least twice each class."
Mark Gergen: Nobody really shared any Gergen stories. But I'm sure he cusses his fair share as well.
Olin Guy Wellborn III: "This is Wellborn we're talking about. People take his class just to see if he really talks the way everyone else says he does."
If anyone knows how stressful the legal profession can be, it's me. Between judges telling me how to dress and having to share the firm bathroom with men, I understand that sometimes, a little flipping out just can't be avoided. Our next category only had one nominee, so she automatically takes the Jammie home, but here she is anyway. The nominee for Outstanding Achievement in Flipping Out is...
Kellie S. (2L): "After our civil procedure question and answer session, Kellie broke down in front us and started crying that she was going to fail Woolley's class. We told her that he'd failed only two students in ten years, but that didn't seem to calm her down any."
If you think these nominees can make students cry, you ought to take my contracts class at Haaarvard. The nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Making Students Cry are...
Patrick Woolley: "After our Q&A session, this girl actually broke down and started crying. She was going on and on about how she was going to fail Civ Pro, even though no one fails at UT."
Emily Kadens: "Kadens put the fear of God in us on the first day of class. Some students are still very afraid of her."
Ruth: Thank you, thank you. We're privileged to be hosting the first ever Joe Jamail Awards for Excellence in Legal Academics.
Antonin: And by legal academics, we mean UT Law School.
Ruth: Luckily for everyone here, neither of us are what you'd call singers. Therefore, we'll skip the traditional opening song and get straight into the awards.
Antonin: So without further ado, it gives us great pleasure to introduce our first presenter.
Ruth: Please give a round of applause for one of the most well-known law school bloggers in the nation, Mr. Jeremy Blachman.
I'm pleased to be presenting tonight's first award. Because I'm not really familiar with many UT Law students, it seemed appropriate to present the award for Outstanding Achievement in Attendance. Since the nominees are rarely found in class, I'm probably not the only one who is unfamiliar with them. Their professors probably have no idea who they are either. The nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Attendance are...
Chris L. (1L): "Chris is in class so infrequently that one of his professors asked at an IM game whether he was a student or not."
Mike P. (2L): "The only time we saw Mike, he was in a suit. That's because the only time he came to school was for OCI when he had interviews."
Peyman M. (1L?) Peyman is gone so often that no one seems to know enough about him to share stories about how he skips class.
The Collective 3L Class: "I love upper level classes. Even if it's a big class, there are inevitably a lot of 3Ls in it, and once class really gets started, they stop going and the class seems so much smaller. It's great."
RUTH: The way I see it, if they're going to give us money, I don't have any problem changing the name and putting their logo on the blog.
ANTONIN: That's where I see things just a little bit differently. Money or no, I will not bow down to any sponsor.
RUTH: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's sort of the nature of the beast.
ANTONIN: Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but to me, the beast doesn't include selling out. Alfred, you know what I'm talking about, right?
ALFRED: It's like people only do things because they get paid, and that's just really sad.
ANTONIN: I can't talk about it any more! It's giving me a headache.
ALFRED: Here, take two of these.
ANTONIN: Thanks.
RUTH: All right, we can either expand to the big leagues and play by the rules, or we can go back to blogspot, which sucked. It's your choice.
ANTONIN: Yes, and it's the choice of a new generation.
