Amicus Curiae

It's Time

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 01:46:46 GMT

My New Year's Resolution was to update the AC more often. *looks at archives* I see that I've posted three times this month and that I've already failed miserably at my resolution. Yeah, part of it is that I don't have time because Hellfire and Damnation need raising. Part of it is that I lost my Ruth!voice and I can't find the balance between being silly while still projecting an air of professionalism. Part of it is that I can look back and point out the times when I could have (and maybe should have) wrapped things up (e.g., after graduation, after taking the bar, after passing the bar, after getting a job).

But I didn't wrap things up. I always thought there was more to Ruth's story. And, honestly, I wasn't ready to let go. The AC really brought me a lot of joy, and--quite frankly--I like the attention.

Now, though... it's just time. If I'm being honest with myself, I lost Ruth the moment I reported for work. Ruth is silly, prone to folly, overly fond of alcohol, and disdainful of those to who do well. Now that I'm working, I have to be serious (sometimes) (like when I'm explaining to a client that if he didn't like jail he probably shouldn't have violated his probation by repeatedly getting high and breaking curfew), I try to avoid folly since I'm supposedly a professional, I only drink alcohol in moderation, and... I'm doing okay. Some might even say I'm doing well. I've become the anti-Ruth, with nothing to complain about except the occasional asshat family members of my clients and the fact that my kids sometimes act like spoiled brats. Ruth reveled in mediocrity, but I kind of don't want to be mediocre anymore. Ruth was sarcastic and a little cynical. And lately... I've been... earnest. Honestly, y'all, that last part is the worst. Ruth laughs at people who are earnest, and do you know how disturbing it is when your semi-fictional alter ego is laughing at you? I mean, it's hard to wrap your mind around that concept without grabbing for the DSM-IV.

So this is it. For the 30 or so of you who still stop in a few times a week, thanks for sticking with me until the end. I'll miss you guys. For those of you who already moved on and therefore probably won't read this anyway, best of luck. If you know the real Ruth, feel free to keep in touch via email, my "real life" blog, the Facebook, etc.

I'd like to thank a few people (some of whom will read this and some of whom won't). First, Antonin, for starting up this craziness with me in the first place. The Peregrinus, RCD, The Infamous El Guapo, Alfred, SH, ladyvorkosigan, and other regular commentators, I know who you really are, so you haven't heard the last of me. ;) To the UT professors who read this blog, esp Professor McDreamy (who was a great sport about the whole thing, which meant that I didn't actually die of embarrassment, I only wanted to), the Dz, and the Dean Search committee. I was always amused (and a little weirded out, really) that y'all read this thing. Thanks to Buffalo Wings & Vodka for being awesome and funny and for that one time you linked to the AC and I got like a thousand hits. That was pretty awes. To the UT Law classes of 2007 and 2008, thanks for reading.

I now pass the torch on to Danielle, my favorite of the current UT Law bloggers. She's not quite Ruth, but I think if we'd been at school at the same time, we'd have probably had geeky DVD marathons on Saturdays while she taught me to knit Jayne hats. Anyway, she's fun and you should read her musings if you don't already.

I started this blog to be silly and have a good time. Mission accomplished. I'll catch y'all on the flip side.

Law School So Did Not Prepare Me to Be a Lawyer

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:00:43 GMT

I mean, while I was in law school I posted all sorts or outrageous things: crushes on professors, wacky awards that could possibly be considered offensive by some, chronicles of my alcohol-related high jinks. I never felt truly restricted in what I could post here, and that whole baring my soul to the masses thing kind of worked for the hundred or so people who visited per day.

But now? I feel really limited in what I can post. I find myself being responsible (BAH!) and doing things like asking myself whether a certain post would violate confidentiality rules and/or whether it's appropriate to post that a particular client annoys the hell out of me. I hesitate to post about other attorneys because what if they find this blog, figure out it's them I'm talking about, and then act all weird around me from then on. And I can't post about the super handsome judge because, um, so much more inappropriate than blogging about a super handsome law professor.

It's as if the bright line rule of inappropriateness that I could see so clearly while in law school has wasted away to the point where it's not really a line at all so much as a blur, and something that I wouldn't have thought twice about posting during school would now never make it on the intrawebs.

All of this, of course, makes it hard to really get the feel for Blogging While Employed. I've actually written ten or so entries that I kept locked because I wasn't sure where on the blurry "line" they fell. (Okay, yeah, that's totally just an excuse for my poor blogging habits these days, but it's somewhat valid, right?)

So, I'm going to try to come up with a list of bloggable topics (feel free to contribute) and see if I can't salvage the AC. Right now I'm leaning towards an in-depth post looking at bailiffs and whether or not they're date-able. ;)

More Proof That I'm a Fantastic Mother

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:20:33 GMT

I had Hellfire's and Damnation's school stuff all packed and ready to go for tomorrow only to discover that they don't actually go back to school until Wednesday.

Hmph.

That sort of conflicts with my plans to return to work tomorrow.

Ruth's Christmas List

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 01:47:14 GMT

1. An Amazon Kindle. Yes, I realize I'm a single mother. Yes, I realize that I don't have time to read for fun. But the anytime Wikipedia access alone makes it worth every penny.

2. A Maid. Right now our laundry schedule is emergency only. I can't tell you when I last vacuumed.

3. An Inmate Visit Care Kit, including hand sanitizer, Vic's Vapo Rub (to put in my nose to mask the jail smell), and a 50-pac of cheap Bic pens that can be thrown away after my client with the staph infection uses it to sign papers.

4. A Bottle of Jack Daniels. For old time's sake.

5. A Decision From ABC Not to Cancel Eli Stone and Pushing Daisies After All.

6. A Note From Sallie Mae Saying "Surprise, Someone Paid Off Your Student Loans!"

The Christmas Dismissal

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 04:36:54 GMT

This little poem was inspired when my co-worker explained to me about The Christmas Dismissal. It's really meant for that case that scheduled to pick a jury right after the holiday that the defense stands a good chance of winning, but I thought it would much more fun if it went like this...

'Twas two days before Christmas, and all set to plead
Was a baby attorney and her client with weed.
The judge sat at his bench and called out the cases
Looks of worry and fear on all the defendants' faces.
The DAs were swamped, but try as they may
They couldn't see how to get done by Christmas day.
Too many cases to wrap up, too many witnesses to find
The baby PD saw they were in quite a bind.
Her client was poor, as they always were
And this one in particular was depending on her.
He had no record; it was just a bit of pot
If not for those traffic warrants, he'd have never been caught.
PTD was expensive, probation too long
Jail was a place where he didn't belong.
"What about a dismissal," he asked his PD
"I can ask," she said, "but it's not very likely."
She thought for a minute then came up with a plan
Something where her client wouldn't answer to the man.
She approached the DA, smiling quite brightly
(But behind her back, her fingers were crossed quite tightly).
"Have a heart," said the PD, "after all, it is Christmas.
I'd like to tell you about this case I'd like you to dismiss."
The DA eyed her warily, he'd heard it all before
And he found most sob stories to be more of a snore.
But he heard what she had to say, and then he nodded
As if her story had left his brain somewhat prodded.
If he let some cases go, his docket would clear
He might actually wrap up some cases before the end of the year.
Then he grabbed up his paper and with a swish of his pen
The Motion to Dismiss was signed... but then
He wrote out another, and yet another still
And one more, and two more, it was such a thrill.
The other attorneys, to the DA they came
When he was done, he called the defendants by name:
"Now Ascher, and Nancy, Gonzales and Switzen,
"Come on Diaz and Baker, now Johnson and Williams.
Your charges are dropped, your cases dismissed
I've done it all in the spirit of Christmas."
The defendants were joyous, the attorneys amazed
The Judge, though he agreed, seemed a little dazed.
He signed all the motions, the attorneys all cheered
And the DA that day was more than a little revered.
As the defendants all left, the DA said with a whistle,
"Merry Christmas to all... enjoy your Christmas Dismissal!"

I'm Thankful For

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 16:25:57 GMT

Employment.

A supportive work environment.

Reasonable assistant district attorneys.

Appreciative clients.

Having a house to live in that isn't owned by my parents.

Kids who, for all their faults (and trust me, they've got plenty), are actually still pretty loveable.

The fact that I live in El Paso, so that instead of having to cook Thanksgiving dinner myself I can just drive up the street to my mom's.

...I'll probably have to do the dishes in return, though.

Six months and counting, y'all

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 01:10:37 GMT

So, I reached my six monthaversary at work yesterday. This joyous day is supposed to be marked by a meeting with one of the higher-ups and the removal of my probationary status. It is not supposed to be marked as being the busiest day of my (still very short) legal career. I've had days when I've had more things scheduled than I did yesterday, but yesterday everything was URGENT.

I walked into my office that morning and already had a client waiting for me. I didn't have time to do more than toss my purse on the chair, grab her file, before I HAD to get up to court with her to take care of something urgent. No sooner did I get back to my office after putting out that fire that I was called back up to court on a new appointment. I got back from the new appointment to have voicemails from not one, but two panicking clients. One of them was facing an (you guessed it) urgent problem and so I began my running around to fix it. In the middle of that, I was called to another court for another new appointment. After dealing with that I had to draft a motion and get it filed before the clerk's office closed. By the time all of that was done, it was time to go home.

I came in this morning to find out that I have a client in the hospital, that my urgent motion wasn't necessary after all, and that apparently the world won't be ending today (although you wouldn't have guessed it to talk to my clients yesterday). Of course, I could only find all this out after a second day of non-stop running around. I usually pride myself on my organization at work, but right now my office is. in. shambles. My desk is currently a file folder orgy. I have a To-Close stack, a To-File stack, a To-Update stack, an I-Don't-Know-What-Exactly-Is-Going-On stack, and about six court dockets to wade through to make sure the court isn't expecting me to show up to a setting I haven't written down yet.

And normally Friday would be the day to fix all of that, straighten up the desk and files, and get ready for the coming week. But because that probationary status is ending, I have to meet with the higher ups, and also take Damnation to the dentist to cap his darned tooth, and make time to partake in yummy office Thanksgiving lunch (you know where my priorities are there).

So when I was asked on Tuesday (the day before my probation ended) how I was liking my job and whether it was stressful, and I answered, "Oh, it's great, and it hasn't really been stressful so far," I should have found some wood to knock on, for real. O_O

(On the plus side, I've held down a real attorney job for six months, and not once have I woke up dreading having to go into work. I think that's a decent six months. On the down side, we don't get a pay raise at the six month mark, which would have really been awesomesauce.)

So you failed the bar exam... now what?

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:00:49 GMT

Thanks to the reader who reminded me that results are coming out this week. I'd meant to do a post on the matter, but seeing as I've successfully repressed all memories having to do with the bar exam except the one having to do with November 1, 2007, the date slipped my mind. But instead of a post that attempts to lift your spirits on the matter (because let's face it, when you're awaiting exam results there is no lifting your spirits and reminders that statistically you're not likely to fail don't. help. at. all.), I'm going to frankly address the other side of it.

What do you do if you fail?

Now, I can't commiserate personally on the matter. But I didn't pass by much so my fears about failing were at least credible. I wasn't one of those assholes who goes around trolling for sympathy by whining that I'd fail and then pass with flying colors. No. My score was low enough that it's plausible that a few lucky guesses and a handful of keywords on the essay when I didn't know what I was talking about may have made the difference. So when I cringed at people who reminded me of the statistics or told me they were sure I'd pass because I was so smart, I wasn't feigning modesty. And due to my own weird mash of faith in a higher power, a belief in what's meant to be is meant to be, and fear of jinxing things, I absolutely refused to answer this question for myself until it needed answering. As the days ticked down, though, the question nagged at the back of my mind and were accompanied by visions of various and increasingly unlikely scenarios. In the end, it was a bridge I didn't have to cross, but I'm going to try to dig through those repressed memories and see if I can help you cross it, should the need arise.

So... what do you do if you fail?

1. Cry. No, really. Go ahead. It's okay. You probably need it. Let the disappointment and frustration and self doubt wash over you and just cry it out. Cry for a few days if you need to. In fact, for the first week, go ahead and cry every time you have to tell someone that you failed. And yeah, telling people that you failed will be humiliating and depressing. But it won't kill you.

2. Figure out why you didn't pass. Be honest with yourself. Did you totally freak out and stare blankly at the MBE instead of, you know, filling in bubbles? Did you go get hammered the night before? Or every night leading up to the exam? Did you only attend a third of the Bar/Bri lectures? Did you just never get the feel for the stupid fill-in-the-blank procedure questions? Was it a combination of more than one? Whatever the reason(s), figure them out, and figure out whether they could be addressed if you decide to take it again.

3. Understand that failing the bar does not mean you're not smart. One of my biggest pet peeves was when people insisted I'd pass because I was "so smart." But smart people fail the bar exam too. And if you click that link, you'll see that even famous smart people can fail the bar exam.

4. Once you've done 1-3, pick yourself back up and make a decision: are you going to take it again in February or not? This will depend a lot on the answers you come up with in Step 2. For example, if your dog died the day before the exam and you couldn't read the exam questions through your tears, that may not be an issue come February when you've had some time to move on from your loss. On the other hand, if you hate the law, hate the study of it, hated Bar/Bri, and therefore had a hard time putting in more than two hours a week of preparation, that might still present a problem in another few months. If you think that whatever kept you from passing in July poses a serious threat of doing it again, then do some soul searching and figure out whether being a lawyer in Texas is really what's right for you.

And if you do decide to take it again, there's no shame in that either. I took the bar exam at the same time as a bunch of other El Pasoans. We'd gone to various law schools, including UT, Yale, Wisconsin, Indiana, and others. More than one of us did not pass. One of those guys took it again in February, passed, and started working in the same courthouse as I did during the same week that I started. His life wasn't over. I see him a lot and he's doing just fine.

So end of the world? No, but I'm pretty sure it'll feel that way at first. Which is why Step 1 is crying. But when your tears run out, figure out what you want to do from there and just do it. And if someone tries to make you feel bad about not passing, shove your bar review books up their ass. But not if you've decided to retake it, because then you'd have shitty bar review materials, and shitty bar review materials won't help matters at all.

Is a weekend too much to ask?

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 02:21:40 GMT

I finally had a weekend where I didn't have anything to do but soccer and church, and Damnation wakes up with a possible abscessed tooth. So off to the urgent care clinic we went, because it was too much a pain in the ass to try to find a dentist who takes our insurance AND who is open on Saturdays. I figured that with all the swelling around the gums they wouldn't be able to do much at the dentist's office anyway, other than give him the same antibiotics that the urgent care clinic could give. It was pretty scary though seeing as his face was blown up like the time my dog ate a scorpion and her face ballooned to three times its usual size. Fun times. His face has gone down to 1.5 times its normal size now, so that's encouraging.

Not to be outdone, Hellfire tripped and fell down and scraped her knee pretty good. I only make one trip to an urgent care clinic in a weekend, though, so she's totally out of luck. She'll have to make due with Hydrogen Peroxide and a band-aid like in the good ole' days. She's currently hobbling around for extra sympathy, but twice I've caught her walking normally when she thinks I'm not looking. Brat.

Whoever said motherhood was all noble and fulfilling and stuff can gladly come and get my ~~monsters~~ kids. Would it be wrong to establish a ticker counting down to their 18th birthday?

Reason #742 why I love my job

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 23:36:59 GMT

Four out of the five attorneys in my unit wore costumes to work today. And my office won first place in the County's group costume contest. I was supposed to be a citizen of the Emerald City (Wizard of Oz), but I looked more like a leprechaun pimp thanks to my coat tails and sparkly green bowler hat.

Alas, we did not recapture the coveted Traveling Trophy for the door decorating contest. We were last year's champions. From what I understand, this decision may have been political. Apparently my office has dominated the Halloween contests in years past, sometimes taking first place in all three categories. And since we were obviously going to win the group costume category...

I'll see if I can find a picture or two to post.

Is this thing on?

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 03:56:48 GMT

Oh, yeah. It turns out I do have a blog.

I wish I had some exciting story to tell that also explained my absence, but... I don't. Here's some bullet points instead:

* Being a single working mom is really starting to take its toll. I find that I'm tired most of the time, my kids are lucky to get a hot meal most nights, and housework and laundry only get done when absolutely necessary (i.e. when we're having guests). We do manage to put the trashcans out on trash day, but it usually takes a few days to bring them back in. I have rediscovered the genius of pasta, ramen noodles, and Hamburger Helper.

* I had a hearing this week where I was asking the judge to reconsider my client's sentence. I thought I made really good arguments and that my motion was pretty solid. I still think it'll get denied. I'm trying to find a balance between worrying about it and realizing that I did my best and that's all I can do.

* The Halloween decorations in my office make the law mentor office look like a third grade classroom in a school that can't afford art supplies. I think I'm still sworn to secrecy on this year's theme, but prior themes have included Willy Wonka and Pirates of the Caribbean. If I'm allowed, I'll post pictures after. Anyone who knows me will see how this is the most perfect job ever for me.

* I voted yesterday and I must say that I'm really loving the stickers. I put mine on my bulletin board, but I'm really thinking about going back and asking for another one.

* My weekend will be spent carving pumpkins and going to see HSM3. After soccer game is over, of course. I would rather be shopping and then coming home to read a book.

* I had a scare today when I thought the judge wasn't going to accept a plea bargain. In one of my courts, this actually happens more often than not, but I've only done maybe 3 pleas in this particular court and my client was already more stressed out than my clients are normally. Her stress must have been rubbing off on me because after the judge pronounced sentence and accepted the deal, all I could think of was how I could use a drink and a nap. (I didn't get either.)

* I was totes disappointed re: Project Runway finale. Hellfire and I were rooting for Korto, but I was also a big Kenley fan too.

* There are three ADAs that I would totally date. I've had an on-and-off crush on one of them since 2001. It's like every three years or so the crush comes back. In true Ruth fashion I have no plans to act on any of the three crushes.

* I wish someone would spend $150,000 to outfit me and my family. That would probably buy us like every single outfit combination we could come up with at Old Navy AND Target. And then I'd still have money left over to go have everything altered to reflect how short I am.

* I managed to get stuck on a PTA committee. So far I've managed to make it through each meeting without screaming at certain moms to cut the umbilical cord already. But only just. I make it through by muttering under my breath instead.

* Apparently my son, Petulance, is a natural at the viola. One of the rare not-annoying PTA moms was telling me how awesome he was at it. Which is surprising, because he never practices at home and right now doesn't even have a viola to practice because his needed repairs. So apparently Petulance is a musical genius. He certainly didn't get that from me.

* I am very stressed out lately. I don't know if this is because of the election, work, the fact that Petulance isn't doing so hot in school, that I'm paying for my kids' health insurance for the first time ever, that I never get any time to myself, the economy, hormonal reasons, or all of the above. But I realized that I'm super stressed when I went to the gym and did two miles on the treadmill and hardly broke a sweat despite the fact that I'm in awful shape and can't remember when I last did purposeful exercise. Apparently I had some pent-up energy to burn. Hopefully that pent-up energy is called "fat."

My Stress, Let Me Show it to You

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 23:00:46 GMT

There was a fire in the courthouse today. Two floors above mine. I was on another floor when they made it clear that the fire alarm was FO REALZ and NOT A DRILL and GET THE EFF OUT ALREADY so I didn't have time to grab my purse, car keys, etc. It was a very stressful two hours while I watched as 90% of the fire trucks in El Paso pulled up to the courthouse and actually started pumping water into the building. After an hour they told us that the County Judge had ordered the building closed for the remainder of the day. All I could do was pray that (1) I'd be able to get back in my office once they gave the all-clear to at least retrieve my stuff and (2) no water or fire damage to my office.

On top of this, my hormones are a mess right now, and I was on the verge of hysterics the minute I realized that there was really a fire and this was not a silly bomb threat (because, really, who does those on a Friday?). I managed to make it through the whole thing without actually crying, although I came close two or three times. It was surprisingly stressful. I still have one of those post-adrenaline-rush headaches.

After two hours of standing around wondering whether I would be carless and without access to money over the weekend, the fire marshal gave the all-clear and Sheriff's deputies began escorting us up one floor at a time to retrieve our belongings. I was even able to make it on time for my meeting with Damnation's teacher.

On the bright side, I was supposed to take two hours of leave this afternoon for my meeting, but since the courthouse was evacuated shortly after noon, now it's a freebie!

But right now, I could sure use a ~~glass~~ bottle of wine.

Baby Lawyer's First Year: Fan Mail

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:35:58 GMT

I GOT MY FIRST CLIENT FAN MAIL!

It read:

Dear Ruth's Boss,

The other day, Ruth waltzed in the courtroom and gave the DA the smackdown. Because of her awesomesauce legal skillz, she went up against The Man and won. You should totes promote her.

Peace Out,
Ruth's Client

...

Okay, it didn't quite read like that ~~at all in fact~~, but I'm sure that was the main idea. I promptly made a copy for my personnel file and framed the original.

No Shame

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:05:38 GMT

So when my client said he'd "do anything for a dismissal" the other day, I don't think he was expecting me to take him up on that. But he was just so excited that I actually got him a dismissal that he quickly saw what a great idea it would be for him to write a letter to my boss and tell him how awesome I am. And if it had been an obvious dismissal, I probably wouldn't have brought it up at all, but it was a hard sell and at one point I was pretty convinced that the only way to make it go away was an acquittal, and we all know that's not guaranteed. So we were both pleasantly surprised by the dismissal (and so was the guy next to him, who immediately asked for my card). Plus, my probationary period ends in just over a month, and since I'm not this big trial dawg yet, I need to take those boosts where I can. ;)

Yessss

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:24:50 GMT

There are far worse ways to end a Monday night than to watch Maksim Chmerkovskiy dance the Paso Doble. Mmmmm.

And it's a darn good thing my Monday ended on such a good note, because Tuesday sure as hell started as a train wreck. I really need to get better at detecting when people are bullshitting me. I really hate to just assume that everyone is bullshitting me, because that level of cynicism doesn't really jive with my core Pollyanna-like personality. On the other hand, I think that tending to believe people might not be the best thing either.

But the nice part about work is that it doesn't tend to follow me home. So when I opened my mailbox to find DVDs from Amazon, I was able to forget about lying clients and squee about having Season 3 of Supernatural and Book 3 of Avatar all to myself! Thank goodness for geeky pursuits!

Stupid Wall Street

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 23:42:31 GMT

So I wasn't really paying too much attention to the state of the economy. I use a local credit union, I work for local government, and with the exception of hurting at the gas pump, I hadn't really felt the pinch or anything.

But I'm thinking that $700 billion has to come from somewhere, and it'll be just my luck that one of the things to get bumped in order to pay for this will be the John R. Justice Act, which was going to rock my world. Not having to make my monthly loan payment was going to do amazing things for my life, like not have to freak out about how I'm going to pay for everything. And now I have this dreaded feeling that Congress isn't going to fund the program. Accordingly, I find myself a little stressed about this whole economy thing for the first time... well, pretty much ever.

Book recs?

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:29:49 GMT

Do any of you know of good books or articles on improving your direct examination skillz? Because let me tell you how much I hate direct examination and how much it shows in my general suckiness while attempting it. Um, yeah, I hate it a lot. Granted, it's not like I'm guaranteed to have to do direct every trial, but when I do, I'd like to not suck at it.

Now cross examination... nothing but love. Leading questions are the best thing ever.

Unsolicited Advice

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 17:13:56 GMT

Dear Men,

Your lives will be much easier if you'd stop insisting on sleeping with women who want to send you to jail. If your girlfriend calls the police because she's pissed off at you, then this advice applies to you. Break it off and stay far away. You'll appreciate this advice when there is significantly less crazy in your life.

And to the rest of you, don't hit women. Didn't your parents teach you when you were little not to hit girls? That rule doesn't go away when you turn eighteen. Or ever.

You're Welcome,
Ruth

Power!

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 02:42:40 GMT

Due to a convenient turn of events including a judges' conference, no court settings, and co-workers with sick and vacation days to spare, I found myself in charge of our intern today. After sending him to get my coffee (and then sending him back because he got my order wrong), I set him to work on my large pile of Stuff To Do When Time Permits, and eventually assigned him all the research I need to do but don't feel like doing. Then I took advantage of my significantly diminished To-Do list by enjoying a three-hour lunch and then leaving early to go visit a crime scene.

*sigh* Of course, seeing as I'm still in my probationary status at work, only 5% of the above statements are actually true. But one can pretend. One can pretend.

I did, however, actually get to assign work for the intern. Which made me feel way more important than I actually am.

Overheard at Work

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 02:19:38 GMT

My Co-Worker: I always used to leave the box of tampons on the corner of my desk. It sent out a powerful message. Mainly, "Is it really that important or can it wait until next week?"

*snicker*

The Little Big Bang

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 12:22:33 GMT

How sad is it that my understanding of the particle accelerator is primarily due to having read Angels and Demons, which I didn't really like because I'd read it before when it was called The DaVinci Code. But I was reading the article and I was all, "Oh, yeah, that's what the girl's adopted father who was a scientist and priest did and he created antimatter."

And I don't know to be amused or scared by the black hole creation stuff. At first I was amused, but then one of the scientists was all, "Oh, well if one gets made, it will be so small that it will just close up again. It won't have any gravitational pull or anything." But what he didn't say was that it's impossible, so now I'm going to have nightmares of being swallowed up by rogue black holes that just appear in random places, like my office for example. Where first I lose a few paperclips to the black hole, but then it's my phone, and then my computer, and then me.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that just in case we all get swallowed up in a black hole soon, I love you guys, and it's been fun.

My Favorite Cases

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:10:26 GMT

Whenever I have a Deceptive Trade Practices case, how come the County Attorney is not interested in my "assumption of the risk" arguments? I think it's a pretty valid argument, quite frankly. When people try to get a deal by hiring their wife's cousin's boyfriend's uncle to install their new hot water heater and they give him a $2000 check up front without having first confirmed that he's licensed and bonded, what do they honestly expect when they never see the guy again? I'm not saying they deserve to be swindled because they don't, but they're practically begging to become victims.

But maybe I'm just annoyed by the whole Deceptive Trade Practices statute. I've seen more than one case where the matter should have been taken up in small claims court but the complaining witness found it easier (and less expensive) to call the police.

In the end, they're actually my favorite cases, if only because I enjoy County Attorney's expression when I say the victim assumed the risk and this is a civil matter. It's a fantastic place to begin negotiations. ;)

Yikes

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 02:29:09 GMT

Hellfire and Damnation have both enrolled in orchestra this year.

I quickly laid down the following House Rule (prominently displayed on a poster board in the kitchen): ALL VIOLA PRACTICE WILL BE DONE IN YOUR OWN ROOMS WITH THE DOOR CLOSED!

This rule will remain active until they give up music lessons or are accepted to Julliard, whichever comes first.

Yes, but

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:39:19 GMT

On the plus side, when the workday is spent almost entirely in the courtroom, the day seems to go by faster. And days spent entirely in office with no court settings are long and boring.

On the minus side, I often leave work with my office in shambles, piles of files waiting to be sorted through, updated, closed, opened, deep fried, or input. And if I try to tidy up by putting them in their places, then I forget to make the necessary updates. And so I leave work just a little more frazzled.

The ideal balance would be mornings spent in court, afternoons spent in office. Sometimes I get those days. Mostly I get random. But at least I don't suffer from having every day look exactly like the one before it.

Curse MySpace

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:16:59 GMT

As far back as I can remember, I knew that I had an older half-brother out there in the world somewhere. I knew the gist of what had happened between my dad and his first wife, knew that in the end my dad had relinquished his parental rights so that my brother could be adopted by his step dad. I also knew that most likely my brother didn't know anything about us.

So for as far back as I can remember, I've wanted to find him, to meet him. When I was really young, I imagined that one day I'd be walking around a crowded city plaza, and someone who looks just a little too much like me would catch my eye. As I got older, my imagination shifted. Instead, I would hire a private investigator, armed only with my brother's name and birth date. We would have a tearful reunion on Oprah, or at the very least, Jerry Springer.

Then in May I found his MySpace page. I sent him a quick message explaining who I was and he wrote back. Then he called my dad and talked to him, and he chatted a bit with my sister online. This week his family is having dinner with my parents (who are currently in his neck of the ~~woods~~ country). It's still been relatively emotional, but without the TV cameras of my dreams. I'm happy to be in touch with him after all these years, but darn it! MySpace totally robbed us of our 15 minutes.

And our chance to meet Oprah.