It's true what they say. It was absolutely horrible.

People told me I would hate law school. I came to UT expecting to do just that. Instead I thought it wasn't so bad, and then I actually liked it. Not so with the bar. People said I would hate it, and while the studying was boring as hell, it was nothing compared to the exam itself. I was probably as prepared as I could have been for the substance of the exam (although stay tuned for details on that). I was not prepared for the sheer physical, mental, and emotional exhaust of it all, which all came to a head yesterday at lunch, when I called my mom sobbing that I didn't want to do this again, but that I was probably going to have to since I wasn't even sure what subject the first essay was. I also left the morning part of the exam with 40 minutes to go, because I didn't know anything and studying had sucked away my creativity and ability to make shit up as I go. I turned in three essays that were no longer than one page. On the other three, I at least managed to drop in some key terms that were consistent with the area of law, but I'm pretty sure I still got the rules wrong.

I'm not sure who I'm more upset at: the Bar Examiners for throwing us a constructive trust question cleverly masquerading around as a possible BA question, or BAR/BRI for telling us to focus on priorities in secured transactions so that we were probably all unprepared for the repo question. WTF.

Then I wasn't even able to get properly wasted last night due to my whirlwind trip to Houston today for interview, round 2. I think it may have been the best interview of my life. It's probably because I had no strength left to care, so I was more myself because I thought it didn't matter if they didn't like me, since I probably just failed the bar exam and would have been let go right after that anyway. It's also possible that judgment is just skewed, and it really went terribly, but I was just too numb to realize it. Whatever, I'll find out in another month.

I'm now safely back in Austin for the night, just to drive another 9 hours tomorrow. I'm glad I made the decision to drive back to Austin this afternoon, because Houston driving terrifies me. There are way more lanes on the freeway than I know what to do with, and I feel like 45 just sort of sneaks up on you as if it's trying to trick you to get onto it. It may be better that I don't get an offer, because I would probably have to be prescribed anxiety meds just to drive back and forth to work every day.

Well anyway, that's the state of Ruth's life in a nutshell. Have fun on your bar trips. I'll be sure to hate on you properly next time I talk to you. I'll try not to be bitter as I take my bar trip to the side of the pool. Of course it's rainy season in El Paso, so I'll probably just end up bitter anyway. Finally get to sit lazy in the sun all day and there's no sun to sit and be lazy in. Hate. Maybe I'll call my cousins and make a week-long trip to Aspen and do some hiking and get in touch with my happy side again or something. Whatever. I'm just done and that's what matters.