Inspired by my good friend Katie Mapes' latest column in Harvard Law's The Record. Check her out.

1. Oh, eff! It's finals season here at UT Law! November is here, and Fun is little more than a distant memory. If you decide to hit the books immediately, go to 2. If you choose to go out tonight instead, go to 3.

2. You arrive at the Tarlton, with books for each of your classes, study guide for each of your books, and a box of flashcards for each of your study guides. You begin unpacking your bag at your favorite study carrel, but the noise from setting the books on the desk unnerves the stressed out student next to you. After you accidentally drop your Chemerinsky on the floor with a thud, he finally snaps and strangles you to death in order to secure a better spot on the curve. No one attends your funeral because, let's face it, you were kind of annoying anyway.

3. You go downtown and get totally wasted. You end the night singing with Joe Vega at the Blind Pig. You make it home--thanks to the mercy of the cabbie--and spend the rest of the night bonding with your toilet. You awake around 11:45 the next morning. If you choose to go to Juan in a Million for a Don Juan, go to 4. If you head to the library to meet with your study group, go to 5.

4. Juan's is, as always, exactly what you needed. Your headache magically fades away with each bite of the Don Juan. Now feeling better, you head to the coffee shop to study. If you choose to outline your classes all by yourself, go to 6. If you decide to borrow outlines from others, go to 7.

5. You meet with your study group, but your head is pounding so badly from your hangover that you can't form coherent sentences. Your study group begins to get annoyed. Finally, they tell you to leave because you aren't contributing anything of value to the study session. You stand up to go, but you're hit with a wave of dizziness, you fall over, smacking your temple on the corner of the table, dying instantly. Your study group checks for a pulse, and when they realize that you're dead, they vote to wait until after the session to call someone so that they don't lose any more precious study time.

6. After outlining all of your classes, you have them printed out at Kinkos. However, your outlines were about 436 pages each, and when combined they end up crushing you to death under their sheer mass. Kinkos sues your estate for the cost of the printouts.

7. You convince your Law Review buddy to procure all the necessary outlines from the TLR outline bank. You spend some time looking over them and then decide it's time to take some practice exams. If you take a practice exam immediately, go to 8. If you choose to take a break and watch Monday Night Football instead, go to 9.

8. In order to take your practice exam under real exam-like conditions, you need to install Exam4. The installation causes your computer to crash and burn, losing all of your notes and outlines. You can't take it anymore, and you fling yourself from the roof of the Tarlton. No one finds your body until the Spring semester.

9. Your team wins, which pumps you up for taking practice exams. You take one or two and feel sufficiently prepared for the real thing. You take your first exam and feel decently about it when you leave the exam room. Your friends invite you out to Crown & Anchor for lunch and a beer. If you choose to decline and hit the library to start preparing for your next exam, go to 10. If you decide to unwind with a beer at Crown, go to 11.

10. On your way up to the 6th floor of the Tarlton, you die in a freak elevator accident. But, let's face it: by this point in time in the Choose Your Own Adventure, you were totally expecting it.

11. The mushroom swiss burger at Crown & Anchor was particularly fabulous, and the beer was just what you needed to keep sane. You make it through the rest of finals and are pleased with your grades when they start rolling in late January. You do Spring OCI and land a sweet firm job paying way more than you're worth. You laugh at all the assclowns who, despite their high GPAs, just didn't have the personality to wow the various firms in their interviews. You also note how this Choose Your Own Adventure is completely devoid of any bitterness or wishful thinking. You also wonder if the author would be interested in getting drinks with you. If you choose to ask her out for drinks, go to 12. If you decide she's out of your league, go to 13.

12. She accepts and the two of you have a wonderful time. Stories of how drunk the two of you got are told around the law school for years to come. The hiring partner teases you about it during your summer clerkship, but you still get a permanent offer and live happily ever after.

13. The firm decides that while you're relatively smart, you're just too timid and antisocial. You don't get a permanent offer. You disappoint your parents, and your friends kick you out of the Super Sekrit Firm Job club. You die of embarrassment. Literally. Only your parents and Ruth attend the funeral, but Ruth remarks about what a nice person you were and how she only wished that you'd had the chance to drink together at least once before your untimely death.